Indiana Joanna (khakipants) wrote,
Indiana Joanna

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edited highlights and a new epic masterpiece of literary fantasy

Parents ordered pizza before I got home from work at 6:00. Pizza arrived after 9:30. Erica and I did not go out for dessert and coffee and calendars as previously intended. Played some Final Fantasy X.

De-Christmased the house. Played some Final Fantasy X. Went to Bertucci's and Barnes & Noble with Dave. Watched Fellowship of the Ring special extended edition until 3:00am.

It started snowing about 10 minutes after I got out of bed. Stayed home all day. Played some Final Fantasy X. Watched a program about Lea & Perrins Worcestershire sauce on the Food Network. Helped shovel the driveway.

Cleaned the snow off the car (again). Went to work.

It occured to me today that I could create a spectacularly formulaic epic fantasy story using names of medications that I have to enter into the computer. As my job requires little to no thought, I had several brain cells free to devote to this little project. Of course, it's only a basic outline at this point, but I feel that with a little work, it could become the best-selling book on the Earth, and possibly many other planets.

Our hero is Heparin, oldest son of Loperamide- once the most celebrated knight in the king's service, but now content to oversee his extensive lands and to raise his children in the traditions of their culture. Heparin's best friend since childhood is Fosamax Weekly, the son of a neightboring lord. Fosamax, although smaller, less strong, and less handsome than his friend, is extremely intelligent and witty, frequently making clever remarks at the expense of himself, his companions, or really anyone who happens to be nearby or mentioned in conversation. He is also the only person in the story with a last name, for the simple reason that I think "Weekly" is a pretty good last name for him. Heparin and Fosamax set forth on an adventure (involving specifics that have yet to be determined). Taking with him only a small bag of coins, his father's sword Effexor, and his horse Zovirax, Heparin takes leave of his younger sister Bextra and their younger brother Remeron, promising to be home soon. Bextra makes him promise to bring Fosamax home safely, as she has long admired him. (Fosamax, on the other hand, sees Bextra only as the younger sister of his friend, and treats her as such.)

The two friends travel together for a long time, traversing many lands- such as Haloperidol, Methylin, and Diltiazem- and meeting many people- including the wise old man Norvasc, the gentle peasant Tramadol, King Plavix and Prince Protonix of the kingdom of Diltiazem, the enchanting and spirited Lady Aricept, and the evil Metronidazole, of the Synthroid race.

They succeed in their adventure. Heparin and Aricept express their love. Bextra finally succeeds in winning Fosamax. Loperamide returns to the king's court, leaving the farm in his son's hands. The world is safe for future generations. The sun shines brightly. People rejoice. The end.

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