Indiana Joanna (khakipants) wrote,
Indiana Joanna
khakipants

A Bad Beginning

I dreamed last night that Sharif had died. It was awful.

I do not know how it had happened, but I knew that I would never, could never, be happy again. Friends and family crowded too close, offering me gifts and empty kind words, trying to make me smile. I just wanted to be left alone to be miserable. As is the nature of dreams, the scenery around me would change from time to time- an unfamilar living room, an airplane, a library. The "friends" that visted were not always people that I actually know. This did not indicate to me that perhaps I was experiencing something untrue.

When I woke, I was blaming myself for not insisting that he go to the doctor when the pain started. The realization that it was a dream came to me slowly, and even after that, it took a little longer to understand that because it was a dream, it had not happened. I actually felt the relief physically- my breathing changed, and I was acutely aware of my heartbeat. I pulled my bedcovers more tightly around me and stayed very still, reminding myself that I was not sad.

I was, however, exhausted. It was not a restful sleep.

What a horrible to way to start a Monday.
Subscribe

  • The Daily Twitter

    09:30 @ rowancorbett I think I may have kinda known that, & it would have helped my cause. Instead I just told Sharif he could be my…

  • The Daily Twitter

    22:55 "What's so hard to understand? I'll be a WOMAN who's also a KING! A ladyking!" # Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

  • The Daily Twitter

    10:40 Neighbor heard ilyAIMY practice while walking dog, stopped to listen for 10th min, just stopped me to ask how to find them. # 10:50 Note:…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 6 comments