I receive my Verizon bill. I notice that the bill says that, in addition to the normal check-in-an-envelope method, it is possible to pay via a secure internet site or by phone 24 hours a day. I think "OK, I don't feel like buying stamps, so I'll give that a try." I type the provided web address into my browser. "This page is still under construction." Right then. I'll call the 24 hour automated phone system. I reach a recording telling me that the office is closed and to call back during business hours . . .
These people don't actually want me to pay my bill. I like how their quick and convenient options don't even pretend to work. It's exciting. Looks like I'll be buying stamps after all.