I think this past weekend must have been an arranged time for all the men in this office to get their hair cut. There is a significantly lower appearance of shagginess this morning.
ETA: Apparently today is "consume things that have been in or on the desk for a significant period of time" day (I know, unwieldy title blah blah), as I've just caved and opened up the warm caffeine-free diet Coke described last week. It tastes pretty much as I expected it would, but it's better than the thirst headache that I was developing.