I fear that you believe the romance has gone out of our relationship. I think you feel that I need to pay you some more attention, stop taking you for granted, stop using you and using you without ever offering my appreciation. This is the only explanation I have for your random bouts of sulking, your sudden blue explosions, your sporadic refusal to listen to my requests and needs. You now want me there to coax you, to encourage you, to hold your hand through the booting up process. You have panic attacks and freeze up in the middle of the simplest tasks, and we have to go through the entire hand-holding thing again- sometimes three or four times in quick succession. And at some point recently, you stopped being a morning person (er . . . machine?). You are bleary-eyed and groggy in the mornings, but you still want to go to sleep early. I think you've lost the thrill. You have forgotten what it was like when our relationship was new. Remember those days? When we were still learning about each other? When everything was fresh and exciting? We've been together so long, what's happened to turn this sour?
Of course, like many relationships, we do still have our good days. Our days when all previous arguments are ignored and we co-exist peacefully in happy syncopation. I only wish that these days were more frequent. I know that for this to happen, we will both need to make an effort. So, computer, what do you say? Can we give this relationship another chance? Can we pretend we've never argued? I know I've lost my temper in the past, and I'm sorry.
Sometimes you just deserve to be hit!
No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. You deserve good things. Remember yesterday, when I got you new ad blocker and spyware scan programs? Wasn't that nice? I can be like that all the time! Just give me the chance! I'll prove myself worthy of your loyalty!