Once there was a boy with badger shoes. They hurt his feet - not because they were the wrong size, or because they lacked arch support. No, they hurt his feet because they were badgers, and badgers have extremely sharp teeth.
So, one day, the boy removed his badger shoes to realize that he no longer had feet. "Criminy dutch!" he cried angrily. "Yon badgers have eaten my feet! Now how will I climb the Magic Hill to replace them with the ever-more-comfortable, not-to-mention-economical prairie dog shoes?"
And the Rodent Shoe fairy appeared and said, "You're an idiot."
And the boy said, "Oh yeah."